Did your child get into a fight at school? How to resolve it?

 

      Fights between children at school are more common than many parents and teachers would like, but they are also valuable opportunities for emotional and social learning. The first step in dealing with these situations is to understand that conflict is a natural part of child development. According to research from Harvard University, the way adults react to these occurrences can directly influence how a child learns to handle their emotions and resolve problems peacefully in the future. Instead of viewing a fight as a failure in education, it should be seen as a moment of teaching and growth.

When a fight happens, the first action should be to calm the situation without immediately taking sides. Psychologist Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, highlights that a child's brain, especially in the first decades of life, is still developing, and emotions often override reason. Yelling or impulsively punishing can reinforce aggressive behaviors. An effective strategy is to separate those involved, allow them time to calm down, and then conduct a structured conversation about what happened, promoting empathy development.

To facilitate this conversation, it is essential to encourage the child to express their feelings and listen to the other side. Studies from Stanford University show that children who learn to name and understand their emotions demonstrate greater emotional control in adolescence and adulthood. For example, if a child says, "He took my toy, and that made me angry," an adult can help them explore alternatives to physical confrontation, such as negotiating or seeking help from a mediator.

Empathy should also be actively encouraged. The Roots of Empathy program in Canada has shown that when children are encouraged to reflect on how their actions affect others, there is a significant reduction in aggressive behaviors in the classroom. Asking questions like, "How would you feel if you were in your classmate's shoes?" can create space for compassion and help with reconciliation.

A strategy applied in European schools is peer mediation, where trained students help resolve conflicts between classmates. Oxford University highlights that this method teaches communication and collaboration skills. One way to apply this at home is by teaching children to rephrase their statements: instead of saying, "You always push me," they can say, "I don’t like when you do that; it hurts me."

The role of the school is fundamental in preventing conflicts. Researchers from Yale University developed the RULER program, which helps children regulate emotions and prevent fights through self-awareness and dialogue. A practical way to implement this is by setting up "calm corners" in classrooms, where children can reflect on what happened before returning to activities.

Parents also play a crucial role. Children learn by observation, and the way adults handle their own conflicts serves as a model. A study from Cambridge University indicates that parents who demonstrate peaceful problem-solving raise emotionally resilient children. At home, it is important to narrate solutions: "Your father and I disagreed on something, but we talked and found a compromise."

Another fundamental aspect is teaching children about the consequences of their actions without creating fear or shame. Instead of harsh punishments, which can lead to resentment, the ideal approach is to encourage reparation. If a child breaks a friend's toy, they can help fix it or offer a sincere apology. This process of restorative justice, practiced in some Finnish schools, has shown positive results in building healthy relationships.

Finally, it is worth remembering that childhood fights are part of social development and do not define a child's future. Great leaders in history also had moments of conflict in their childhood. The important thing is to teach that every argument can be transformed into a learning opportunity. Thus, instead of fearing the next disagreement, parents and teachers can embrace the chance to help children grow emotionally stronger, more empathetic, and prepared for a world that requires cooperation and respect.

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